The Bizarre Circumstance

by ~ScaryFairy

A Bizarre Circumstance
By Stephanie Kempson

FADE IN

BATH PARK BOTANICAL GARDENS – EARLY MORNING

A tall, young student wakes up in Bath botanical gardens spread-eagled on the grass. At first he seems to be naked and asleep, but he is wearing boxers. He rolls over and blinks slowly awake, unaware of his surroundings and current compromising position. Slowly it dawns on him and he sits bolt upright.

BARRY
(Haltingly in amazement)
What the… Where the hell are my clothes?

BARRY peers around confusedly and spots his shoes hanging from a statue. He gets up and takes the shoes down slowly as if trying to remember what happened before he woke up there. But he just can’t remember.

BARRY
(Emphatically)
I am so confused.

WHISTLING is heard from further down the pathway, BARRY goes to look but remembers he’s wearing very little and dives behind the statue just in time. BARRY watches as MERV swaggers past cheerfully unaware he’s being watched. MERV, a short, skin-head teenage boy with more attitude than brains and guts combined, appears to be wearing some very ill fitting clothes that are clearly not his. BARRY stares on aghast as MERV saunters past his hiding place.

BARRY
(Amazedly)
He’s wearing my clothes.

As MERV gets further away BARRY comes out from his hiding place slowly, holding his shoes and looking decidedly shocked. MERV is still WHISTLING nonchalantly and is about to disappear out of sight round a corner, when BARRY regains control of his body and begins to look angry.

BARRY
(Gradually growing more furious)
Hang on a second. Hey! You! STOP.

MERV turns and sees this half-naked, much taller man putting on his shoes while yelling angrily at him. Taking what seems to him the most sensible course of action; he runs off like a little girl. Barry starts running after him, pelting it down the pathways of the gardens. He chases him for about half a minute down the winding paths before the exit to the gardens looms in front of them in the form of an iron gate. MERV reaches the entrance first and fumbles with the latch for the gate, in that time BARRY catches up with him. He bashes into him and crushes the surprised MERV against the gate.

BARRY
(Forcefully)
GOT YA! YOU BLOODY PIKEY!

BARRY then wrenches MERV backwards and twists him round wrestling him to the floor. MERV is WAILING the whole time and lands on his back painfully. BARRY is on top of him pinning him down in a flash. MERV looks petrified.

MERV
(Terrified)
What do you want?

BARRY catches his breath and glares angrily at MERV beneath him.

BARRY
(Incredulously)
What do I want?
What do you THINK I want?

MERV looks very confused and afraid.

MERV
(Panicking)
I don’t know! Sex?

BARRY
(shocked)
WHAT?!

MERV
(Clearly very uncomfortable)
You’re a half naked man! And you’re straddling me. What am I supposed to think?

BARRY
(Taken aback)
You’re wearing my clothes!

BARRY pushes MERV further against the ground as he says this, grabbing the colour of his shirt and shoving it in MERV’S face so he can see it. MERV closes his eyes and tries to curl up as if expecting BARRY to hit him. When he opens his eyes BARRY is still on top of him glaring expectantly but no longer pinning him down..

BARRY
Well?

MERV goes to speak but is cut off by a mobile phone RINGING, he goes to find it. BARRY looks suspicious half recognising the ring-tone.

BARRY
(Confused)
That sound’s like…

MERV takes the phone out and BARRY looks even more shocked.  MERV stares at the phone for a second then answers it, not meeting BARRY’S enraged eyes.

MERV
Hello?

BARRY
(angrily)
For god’s sake! My PHONE!

MERV
(Ignoring BARRY and speaking to the phone cheerily)
Nah man… nah…… nah I’m busy. Yeah… see yaz laterz.

MERV hangs up and halts with the phone half way to his pocket, he is looking at BARRY who is sitting with his arms folded and a look of disbelief on his face as he straddles MERV.

MERV
What?

BARRY sighs then punches MERV knocking him out. It all goes black.

CUT TO

FADE IN

BATH PARK BOTANICAL GARDENS – EARLY MORNING

The scene is the same as before, however this time MERV is lying in the grass mostly naked. He wakes slowly rubbing his sore jaw, before blinking and looking around. He mirrors BARRY’S movements from the first scene opening, realising where he is and that his clothes are missing very suddenly. He sighs and looks very fed up.

MERV
(Emphatically)
Shit. Not again.

CUT TO CREDITS